Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
