What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
