my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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