Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
