I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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