I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
