Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So vagazzling was a success
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
