Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
