She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
