but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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