Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Operation Purity has been aborted
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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