Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
