I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
