Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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