VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
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