My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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