Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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