Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
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Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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