The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
