Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
