I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
