Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
