His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
