U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
