Quick, to the slutcave!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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