I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
