I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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