it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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