maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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