The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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