Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
