there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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