Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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