Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
