Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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