Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
