Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
