We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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