I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
