Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
