I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Michael Bay diarrhea
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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