yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
