hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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