god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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