feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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