Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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