Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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