the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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