Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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