You're completely useless in the revolution.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
