I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
