i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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