Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
