Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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