Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
