i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
