Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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