im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
