you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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