Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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