Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
