I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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