Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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