i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
