well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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