I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
