He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
