Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
