I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
