You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
