Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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