The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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