the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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