If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sober January is a disaster.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
