i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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