They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
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I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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