i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
