We won't sleep together?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
